One month to save marriage! That’s the subject of a Janet Porter email. And how does one “save” marriage? By sending “restraining orders” of course (at a cost ranging from $9.95 to $49.95 — depending upon the depth of your stupidity).

And what is a “restraining order?” Glad you asked:

And what does all this goodness cost? 

Eleven (11) “Restraining Order” Letters will be sent for you for only $9.95

11 Personalized Restraining Orders:

  • Speaker John Boehner
  • Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell
  • The Supreme Court Justices (9)
Three Hundred and Seven (307) “Restraining Order” Letters will be sent for you for only $29.95

307 Personalized Restraining Orders to every Republican in
     Congress and U.S. Supreme Court:

  • Every US House Republican (246)
  • Every US Senate Republican (52)
  • The Supreme Court Justices (9)
Five Hundred and Forty-Four “Restraining Order” Letters will be sent for you for only $49.95

544 Personalized Restraining Orders to ALL of Congress & U.S.
       Supreme Court:    

  • Every US House Member (435)
  • Every US Senator (100)
  • The Supreme Court Justices (9)

Porter is confused. King’s bill is HR-1968. The companion in the Senate (S-1080) is Ted Cruz’ bill which has zero co-sponsors and will probably never make it out of committee. And even if it did, please.

As for the letters to the justices of the Supreme Court, those would be intercepted by clerks. Moreover, the Court voted on the marriage case about a month ago and the opinion is already being written. Congressmen, by the way, are only interested in mail bearing a constituent zip code in the return address.

Aside from the fact that these would all be utterly pointless they are probably not being sent at all.

Let’s consider the super-deluxe package, first class postage would be $266.56. I doubt that Porter is making up the difference of over $200. That might explain the boxes that Porter is displaying in the first image. How will would those be delivered? I’ll drop Porter a note. I doubt that she will answer the question.

By David Cary Hart

Retired CEO. Formerly a W.E. Deming-trained quality-management consultant. Now just a cranky Jewish queer. Gay cis. He/Him/His.