Matthew Archbold
Matthew Archbold

Matthew Archbold set out to “prove” that his particular flavor of mysticism and superstition is the “cool” choice. In the process what he does prove is the that selective observation is a logical fallacy per se. At the same time he manages to convince us that critical thinking is not exactly Mr. Archbold’s long suit. I will limit my quotes of his polemic to the bullet points where possible. The subtitle of this exercise in stupidity (from the National Catholic Register) reads: “8 Reasons Christianity is Cooler than Atheism.”

8) Religious people live longer, happier lives, according to numerous scientific studies.

Archbold doesn’t provide a link to any of those studies. An article in Psychology Today seems to make more sense than Archbold:

Countries with very low life expectancy are mostly very religious. The nations of sub-Saharan Africa are a good example. Plagues of malaria, parasites, dengue fever, cholera, diarrheal diseases, HIV/AIDS, etc., lop decades off life expectancy that is below 60 years for most of these countries. The presence of many serious chronic illnesses, and the expectation of an early death, predicts universal belief in God and the importance of religion.

With economic development, health improves, but religion declines. This means that developed countries are both healthier and more secular. Developed countries reap the benefits of improved healthcare, sanitation, and public health programs such as vaccination for measles and smallpox. As a result, average life expectancy has literally doubled from what it was a century ago.

This goes on at considerable length but you get the idea. The Psychology Today article includes links to peer-reviewed research and other articles.

7) Michelangelo and Bach (look ’em up kids!) were indisputably awesome Christian artists. But hey, atheists have the kid who plays Harry Potter.

Most of the music that I absolutely love is liturgical. It reflects the fact that in prior centuries we needed religion to explain what science explains today. On the other hand, most contemporary classicists were not religious (many were gay). Aaron Copland and Leonard Bernstein were both Jewish atheists. Johannes Brahms (1833-1897) was what we would call today an agnostic. “The Five” that comprised the New Russian School (Balakirev, Borodin, Cui, Mussorgsky and Rimsky-Korsakov) were all indifferent to religion. Borodin, by the way, was a noted scientist and chemist. Was Andy Warhol terribly religious? I cannot seem to recall.

6) Typical Atheist gathering:

No text but a photo of a very small group. But not nearly as small as this one:

5) Most of your big time mass killers of the 20th century were atheists. I’m talking Stalin, Mao, and Che among others.

Just for starters, ethnic cleansing of Native Americans was done in the name of Christ. Slavery and then Jim Crow were underpinned by Christianity. The Spanish Inquisition was a Catholic enterprise. See what happens when people indulge in selective observation?

Point 4 idiotically compares a photo of a serene Mother Theresa with that of Richard Dawkins. Next!

3) As a Christian, my wife looks at me like I’m a gift from God. Seriously, to her that’s what I am. Your atheist girlfriend (should you ever get one after you move out of your stepdad’s basement) will see you as a gel-haired accident in skinny jeans on a lonely rock orbiting a meaningless sun in a mistake of a universe. See the difference? It’s kind of a big one.

Was that an argument? Proof of anything?

2) Many of your college professors agree with your atheist beliefs. How’s that for the uncoolest choice ever? Hey, look at you siding with all the gray-haired tweedy authoritarian types at your school.

What this guy is arguing is that it is not desirable to be among the best educated people in American. Splendid.

1) Atheists have less children and that probably means…well you probably know what that means since you’re all about SCIENCE! Once again, to sum up, you’ll be miserable, have a shorter life, and quite likely less sex than your religious counterparts. And you thought atheism was cool? Reconsider and repent ye’ fools. Jesus said he is the way, the truth, and the life. Left unsaid, is that He’s totally cooler than Richard Dawkins!

Catholic doctrine requires denial of over-population and its effect on our diminishing resources. That is the science. The fact that the National Catholic Register would be an outlet for this intellectual applesauce is telling.

Related content:

By David Cary Hart

Retired CEO. Formerly a W.E. Deming-trained quality-management consultant. Now just a cranky Jewish queer. Gay cis. He/Him/His.