I have acute PTSD (to put the brakes on an internal audit I was ambushed and shot). My condition defies treatment. Over the years I have had very competent psychiatrists who have followed the guidance from the Veterans Administration. The problem is that I am not nearly as resilient as the very young troops being treated for PTSD.

I am profoundly hypervigilant and it was getting worse. I was taking Xanax just to go to the grocery store. Even then I was getting so many false danger signals that I could not function. Three people in the same aisle created a catastrophe. Experimentally, my psychiatrist tried Adderall which is absolutely counter-intuitive. She was guided in part by my very smart therapist.

PTSD and Me

Eureka! Not only can I focus and tune out the noise but it counteracts some of the negative effects of my other medications. The problem with Adderall is that it is a controlled substance (it should not be). University of Miami Health will not mail prescriptions and I do not drive (trust me; you are all better off). I have to Uber my way to UHealth where my psychiatrist can give me written prescriptions for three months at a time.

Just to be clear, controlled substances cannot be transmitted to the pharmacy be escript or phone. Each 30 days requires a separate written prescription on safety paper.

I ran out on July 7 and my psychiatrist was on medical leave. Someone was covering for him but I decided to be without until July 25. Big mistake. What I did on my Adderall vacation was make people around me miserable. I got into a fight that almost led to violence over a vehicle with a sub-woofer. My condo is a wreck although, amazingly, the kitchen is clean.

I ordered things from Amazon. These include a round toilet seat for an extended appliance and a USB hub for my laptop that was actually for a phone or tablet.

Soundtracks and speech became gibberish.

Somehow I managed to write some articles. They seem to be reasonably rational but I need to go over everything that I posted during this period of time.

For 18 days I have been a fuck-up. Now I have apologies to make and messes to clean up. Stuff has to go back to Amazon. This serves as my apology to readers if I have been incoherent or irrational. “Off my meds” has a whole new meaning.

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By David Cary Hart

Retired CEO. Formerly a W.E. Deming-trained quality-management consultant. Now just a cranky Jewish queer. Gay cis. He/Him/His.